Original Airing Date: 2026.03.15
The Evenfall Hollow Board of Tourism crew is back for its second Season. We interview our corporate overlord Marty, and catch up with what’s been happening in the Hollow.
Local Sponsor Support Provided by: Hamovex
Show Notes:
Episode Script: Ruu McKinney
Voice Acting:
Phil Liota: Ruu McKinney
Music:
Introduction:
“Laundromat Lofi Chill” by Muzaproduction
Happenings in the Hollow:
“Dynamic Flow” by Lulu_Sound_music
Local Community Spotlight:
“Light Bossa Nova Jazz Seaside Cafe Music” by Denis Pavlov
Local Sponsor Message:
“Medical Doctor Clinic Background Music” by InPLUSMUSIC
Marty Episode Transcript
[Introduction segment begins. “Laundromat Lofi Chill”plays.]
Hello listeners, fans, and future residents, and Greetings from Evenfall Hollow. I’m Phil from the Evenfall Hollow Board of Tourism, and with me are my PA Paul, our office cat Muffin…
And Marty…
[long sigh]
So Marty is our new show manager while the mayor is “off doing important things.”, because apparently there were some concerns that I might have trouble handling things on my own. There was mention of a lunch-meat induced fugue state, and more than one comment about unverifiable hallucinations, but let me tell you listeners.
I was railroaded.
Oh.
Now Marty is giving me the move it along motion with his hand. Well before I move on, let me just point out that the Louis Vuitton bag we had all the mobile sound equipment in made your Geiger counter explode Paul, so I really don’t think it was all in my head. I mean the mayor sued me in civil court over it!
Yeah yeah, I’m moving it along Marty.
[mumble]
Slavedriver…
So anyways on a brighter note, Hey hey! We’re back for a second season! So, to really get settled in, we’re going to spend this episode’s Happenings in the Hollow segment getting all of you up to speed on the massive changes our town has experienced since the last… Well, however long it’s been since the last episode.
What’s that Paul? Well, I don’t glow in the dark anymore and Muffin has stopped trying to bury me every time I sit down, so it’s been at least a little while. I dunno, a week? I have a horrible sense of time now a days.
Ugh. Stop trying to rush us along Marty. This is the magic that made the show such a success.
Don’t take his side Paul.
Anyways, apparently, it’s past time for Happenings in the Hollow, so let’s go see what’s going on.
[Happenings in the Hollow Segment begins. “Dynamic Flow” plays.]
Happening in the Hollow today, huh… Where do we start listeners?
The mayor struck it big yet again with his recipe for oatmeal-based Scotch, so combined with his whole Gunpowder and bats money, the town has experienced a rapid period of expansion.
We also have the internet now! But it’s limited to dial-up speeds through something called AOL?
But on the upside, if I log in while Muffin is sleeping and turn my speakers all the way up, the sounds it makes while connecting usually makes Muffin wake up in a panic and fall off the couch.
As far as actual use goes however, it’s… Well… What did Rosa say about it when she was looking up pictures of sloths the other day, Paul?
Ah, Thank you. It’s balls listeners.
Oh big news, we also have cars! Though I suppose it’s a double-edged sword. You see, before cars, Evenfall Hollow was what we’d call a walkable city because you know, we had no other choice.
Now that we have cars however, everything is a 20-minute drive. I mean, the WeWork building we record in used to only be a 5-minute walk from my apartment, but now that I have a car, it’s a 20-minute drive. I just don’t get it.
On a related note about how modern technology is not really making our lives any easier, Muffin was having some sort of a night-terror or something the other night.
She was levitating, and saying strange Latin phrases in an unnaturally deep voice, so of course, I turned to big tech for help.
I tried WebMD and it told me it was cancer, vampirism, or something called Long-Covid. I found a veterinary website for a second opinion and it recommended I check her temperature and…
Yeah Paul, that’s the reason for the bandages.
So anyways, I carried… Well, I directed her levitation to the car, plugged in my phone and told Google that my cat was possessed. Google maps then directed me to a Pizza Hut.
No, it didn’t really help at all Paul.
So long story short, my right arm looks like I was mauled by a shark, I have a large Pineapple, Banana Pepper, and Olive Pizza in my fridge that nobody but Muffin will eat, a cat that floats and chants in Latin at night, and my couch has burn marks.
Thanks for nothing Google.
Oh. Marty is pointing at his watch and doing the motions again.
Umm let’s see. Oh, courtesy of the internet, our town also has a new online classifieds site called Craig’s List.
Yeah, Paul, it’s run by Craig of Craig’s Quick Bite Convenience Store.
So, basically, it’s just a 404 error right now because well, Craig is in charge of it and his keyboard is probably haunted. Maybe check back in a week, or four.
Anyways, it’s time for our local spotlight of the week. So what are we doing today, Paul? Oh… We’re interviewing Marty.
Great. Well let’s get to that then I guess…
[Local Community Spotlight segment begins. “Light Bossa Nova Jazz Seaside Cafe Music” plays]
As longtime listeners will know, our local community spotlight segment is where we dig down deep into a local business or personality and find out what makes them tick.
In today’s episode, I’m interviewing our corporate overlord Marty.
What’s that about Journalistic integrity Paul? That’s awfully 2015, isn’t it?
Ugh Fine.
We’re here with our Mayor-appointed interim project coordinator and show integrity consultant for the Evenfall Hollow Board of Tourism and…
How is that title any better Paul? It sounds like the ingredients on the back of a shampoo bottle.
Anyways, listeners, that’s a mouthful, so after the show I’m going to shorten it to something more reasonable. My vote is still for corporate overlord, but apparently, I am in the minority.
Anyways, let’s get started, I guess.
So for anyone who missed Marty’s introduction at the end of our last season, Marty does not talk. Well that’s not entirely true. He does, but instead of say, a nice inside voice conducive to discussion and well… any kind of communication really, it’s more of a very loud trumpet that shakes the very foundations of reality and… Listeners, I’m probably going to pay for this later,
[Hushed Voice]
but it also appears to have a pronounced “brown note” effect on Muffin.
No! Keep your distance until you calm down Muffin. It’s not slander if it’s true. I have a rolled up magazine!
So anyways, yeah. We’re using index cards again.
Hey Paul? Is the Mayor starting a company that makes index cards out of oats?
No?
Huh. Well he’s missing an opportunity.
Anyways, let’s get to the uh…
Oh! That’s an excellent idea Paul, thank you. Here you go Marty, it’s a dry erase board. Good for the budget, better for the environment.
So, Marty, tell us about yourself. Any Hobbies, interests? Favorite foods?
So, Marty has opened up a new package of dry-erase markers, has written the word “No.” in tiny letters in the center of the dry-erase board, and then has proceeded to throw the board and marker over his shoulder and into a nearby trashcan, only to pick up another board and new marker as he awaits my next question…
Umm. Marty? That was an impressive shot, but the whole point is that the board can be erased and reused. Using a new marker and board for each response is… You know what, never mind.
So we’re going to skip the small talk then, and just move on to the big stuff. Let’s see here…
Where were you before coming to the Hollow?
Marty has written “somewhere else” and has discarded his board and pen over his shoulder.
So Marty, I feel like you’re being purposely obtuse again. We’re here for an interview to help the town get to know you, and you seem to be stonewalling us with one and two word responses. Are you actually going to answer any of these interview questions? Or am I just wasting my time?
Marty has written “Yes” on his dry erase board and has once again yeeted it into the corner.
[Long sigh]
Was that a yes for the answering questions, or a yes for the wasting my time?
Marty has just pantomimed writing a message in the air, and is now shrugging and showing us his empty hands. Apparently the dry erase board only came in a three pack.
[Long sigh]
Paul, let’s just cut to the local sponsor message.
[Local Community Sponsor Message Segment. “Medical Doctor Clinic Background Music” Plays]
Hi. My name is Phil Liota.
Like you, I have been diagnosed with Nitrate signaled right temporoparietal cortex anaphylaxis, also known as Schwarzenfugue, or more commonly, black-forest ham induced dis-associative fugue states.
And yes, like you, I also witnessed an “imaginary” nuclear catastrophe.
And then also panic watched the HBO max series Chernobyl, and realized I looked like the guy in the bed, and subsequently got even more terrified. And yes, my cat also tried to bury me while I slept.
And you are correct – I too had a doctor that simply dismissed my claims as hysteria, or even more hurtfully, as hamnanigans, even as my hair fell out on his floor. He then suggested that I try losing weight.
And as an aside, according to national statistics, the majority of women, especially minority women, know exactly what this is like, and I hope that we, as a society, can do better, because you all deserve better.
Anyways yeah, small world. We’ve all gotten through it though…
Wait just me?
For most people it’s fatal?
Well why are you making a drug for… Fine I’ll stick to the script.
And now, thanks to Hamovex, I can enjoy a nice club sandwich or monte cristo without any of the apocalyptic side-effects, even though the whole reason I’m doing this commercial is to pay back the civic lawsuit settlement I agreed to in order to provide restitution for rendering one Louis Vuitton luggage bag unusable due to potentially lethal amounts of gamma radiation, which was apparently generated by my overly nitrated imagination.
But that just proves it’s not in my head, doesn’t it? I mean its radioactive! We had to put it in a lead box and then buried out behind the Arby’s.
What do you mean you’re not a lawyer?
[Sigh]
Hold on. It says here that I’m supposed to roller skate, do a triple somersault off of a 3 story diving board, and hang glide, but this is a radio commercial.
What do you mean do my best?
Sell it?
[Clears throat]
Waaaaa. I’m on a hang glider. Woooosh.
[monotone]
With Hamovex, I rule Ham. Ham doesn’t rule me.
Wooooo I’m cliff diving into a Caribbean ocean!
Twice daily Hamovex is FDA approved for the treatment of Black forest ham-induced fugue states, Chitlin-palsy, Bacon-sweats, and… Methamphetamine detox? In people aged 13 and older.
Don’t take Hamovex if you are allergic to Hamovex. And don’t take Hamovex if you consume 8 or more alcoholic beverages in one sitting, or if you are suffering from stage 4 cancer, or facist government takeovers. Wait. Ham is your problem in those scenarios?
I know, I know. Stick to the script.
Hamovex may require weekly blood tests to confirm proper liver function. Side-effects include Apocalyptic visions and fugue states, psychosis, Juggler’s colon, suicidal thoughts, sub-arachnoid hemorrhage, and death. Wait. If it gives me apocalyptic visions and fugue states, then why am I taking this?
Ugh fine. Fine.
If you suffer from Schwarzenfugue, ask your doctor if Hamovex is right for you. And find out what life is like…
Fugue free.
No I will not wave excitedly. This is a radio ad. Now who can I talk to about these side effects?
Hey! Where are you going?
This is insane. I’m pretty sure this pill doesn’t do anything but give me juggler’s colon, and I don’t want it.
Hello?
[Community spotlight segment returns. “Light Bossa Nova Jazz Seaside Cafe Music” plays.]
Ugh. That local sponsor message was troubling.
[Long Sigh]
So Marty. Since we’re asking questions, I have a couple that have really been nagging at me. So, during my so-called “lunch meat induced fugue state”…
No Paul, I will not stop with the finger quotes.
Anyways, I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately. So, when I was up on the bluff just before the whole “imaginary nuclear detonation” thing, I swear I saw Abracadaniel, and the Hotdog man, as well as someone in red. And well, the more I sit here, the more I’m starting to feel like that person… Was you, Marty. Would you care to comment on that?
[Sound of chair scooting]
Hey, hold on Marty. Where are you going? We’re in the middle of an interview!
Do you see Paul? He’s hiding something. I start asking some real questions and he immediately makes a run for it.
If he was two feet shorter, I’d swear he was Joe Rogan!
Well you know what? Fine Marty, but before you go, pet this cat.
[Angry Muffin Sounds]
See Paul? Nothing!
Well Marty, while you’re out, I want you to search for a picture of that angry detective from Dexter. And when you find it, I want you to know that I’m that detective, and you’re the Dexter.
[Door opening and closing]
You’re the Dexter!
I know Paul, it sounded better in my head!
[Deep breaths]
Well, I guess we’re done here. Does anyone wanna come with me to the Taco Bell? I would go to McDonalds, but I can’t have another lien against my apartment for a 6 piece McNugget meal.
Well, I mean we can go somewhere else if you want Paul, I just need some company. The Pastor has been knocking on my door every day since Jeff went back to Iceland, and I cannot take another talk about transubstantiation over a meat mountain this week. He does this whole body of Christ thing with his bun, it’s just a lot.
Well, anyways listeners, I’m Phil and with me is my PA Paul and our office cat… Wait.
Umm. Where is Muffin?
Well, Whatever. Good night everybody.