Original airing date: 2025.12.01
We conclude coverage of Evenfall Hollow’s annual Walk-A-Thon, live from the scene. Also, does anyone have any Tampico?
Local Sponsor Support Provided by: ???
Show Notes:
Episode Script: Ruu McKinney
Voice Acting:
Phil Liota: Ruu McKinney
Music:
Local Community Spotlight A:
“French Accordion Acoustic Guitar Paris Waltz” by Denis Pavlov
Local Community Spotlight B:
“Light Bossa Nova Jazz Seaside Cafe Music” by Denis Pavlov
Walk-A-Thon Part 2 Episode Transcript
[Introduction segment begins. “Sounds of wind” play]
Listeners. I don’t… I don’t know how long it’s been… Since the hollow was destroyed. I don’t know where Abracadaniel, or the hotdog man are, or even where Muffin has gone, nor do I know who the other figure dressed in red was, or where they are now.
I don’t… I don’t know anything. I’ve been dragging this luggage for what feels like days, I’ve also eaten most of my suit by now as well, so I’m very thirsty, and very, very cold.
I am trying my best to make my way back towards the hollow but I admit that it may be a futile journey.
But you know what? I don’t care.
I need to search… for anything, or anyone that’s… That’s still alive.
For all you listeners that love lists, buckle up, because the following list is a list of things I don’t know at the moment:
One: The status of my recorder’s battery or how much longer I can record for. From the weight of this luggage, I think that Paul powered everything with several car batteries. So, with that in mind…
I guess number two would be that I don’t know why we didn’t just use a smart phone for recording? I know Paul mentioned something about fidelity, but I’m single so I don’t know how that relates to me.
Two. Wait. Wait. No, this is three. I don’t know who bombed our town, or why. That’s a biggie.
And finally, four: How to do Knife throwing. Now it’s not from lack of trying, I just can’t seem to get the hang of it. I can hit the target just fine; the problem is that I can’t hit the target with the pointy end. So it usually just hits whatever I’m throwing it at with the handle, and then it just bounces off, and then Muffin is angry at me for the whole week, and… Yeah…
Oh, and another biggie, I also do not know where I am. The colossal mushroom cloud remains over the valley, reaching as high into the sky as I’ve ever seen, but that’s really my only landmark right now. If I head in its general direction, I should eventually… Make it home… To what is left of my home… Our home.
I’ll be honest listeners, I… I don’t… I don’t feel very well. My thinking is cloudy, and I’m nauseous, but that could very well be from surviving solely on Black Forest ham for however long it’s been.
At least I don’t have to worry about wild dogs, or the dark eyed children. I haven’t even seen the lady in white. The forests, as best I can tell, are completely void of life. No birds, no chupaSanders, nothing. So, I will continue making my way down into the valley, making reports every few hours in an effort to keep everyone informed, and conserve my battery.
If you are hearing me from the town, everyone please, gather together in a central location. Any kind of shelter, anything left standing. Gather there, and wait. This is Raymond Fillmore Liota of greetings from Evenfall Hollow, and I am coming.
I am searching. I’m also very thirsty and could probably use a shower, but one step at a time.
[Next Audio Log begins]
Listeners. I am making my report just before night fall. I have made my way down from the bluff, and in the process, I have consumed the last of my local sponsor suit, but I’m…
[Coughing]
I’m not well. I don’t know if the ham has turned, or if there is something else wrong, but I am having trouble standing, a little trouble seeing, and I have a metallic taste in my mouth that just… It won’t go away.
The cloud has started to dissipate, but I think I am right on the outskirts of town or close to them.
I’m having to take breaks often…
[Coughing]
But I’ve still yet to see anything or anyone else in this forest. I’ll make another report again once I reach the town.
If I reach the town.
As a personal note, if and when I get back to civilization, I need to remember to buy a bottle of Tampico. I can’t remember the last time I had some, but I have the strongest craving for some right now. If not for the taste of nickels and pennies in my mouth, I could almost taste it… or maybe that is what it tastes like? Anyways, more on that when I reach the town.
[Next audio log entry begins]
Listeners, I’ve reached the town or what is left of it. I can see remnants of roads, and remnants of foundations maybe? But I don’t see anyone. I don’t even see….
[Long pause as phil mulls the words]
Bodies.
I just… I need a moment.
[18 seconds of wind howling, maybe things rattling in the wind]
No… No. Pull yourself together Filmore. There must be survivors. There has to be. I just need to find them. And shelter. And clothing. Oh yeah and Tampico. I… I am going to broadcast again once I find one or all of those. I… I’ll be back listeners
[coughing]
[Next audio log begins]
Listeners…
[coughing]
I’ve found a building out on the edge of town. It’s in rough shape, but it’s standing. Its an old cinderblock building with a tin roof and… Why are there so many riding lawn mowers rusting away in front of it? Well, It… It doesn’t matter right now. What matters is that someone might still be inside.
[sounds of stepping over junk, falling down, and then a creaking door]
I don’t see anyone inside, just an amazing pile of things. Big things. Little things. Wet things… Is there such a thing as a puddle of Tetanus? I’m Just gonna back out of here and check the other building out, in hopes that it is less… Moist.
[squeak of a door opening]
Well, this one has a kitchen table which is a plus, but its also piled high with old radios, a pan of cornbread, and an old carburetor.
Hello?
[Long, shaky sigh]
there is nobody here. There is nobody anywhere.
[Fog bell tolls in the distance]
Listeners, it could be my imagination but I swear the days are getting shorter and shorter. I mean it can’t be past noon but I can clearly hear the fog bell in the distance, it makes me feel so tired… but really what doesn’t nowadays? I mean…
[coughing]
Dragging this luggage makes me tired… Smelling like I work at a deli is tiring… this hair that I keep finding… wait… oh. Yeah, file the hair falling out under existential terror instead of tiring, but at the same time… I just… I think I need to just lay down for a moment…
[sound of object dropping to floor, sound of wind]
[Local Community Spotlight Part A Begins.]
[mumbling in sleep]
I’m awake I’m awake. I’m… Oh good morning, Gary! Good…. Wait. Gary! Oh, Gary I’m so glad to see you! Oh, come here I need a hug. I know, I know…
[“French Accordion Acoustic Guitar Paris Waltz” fades in]
I apologize for the smell. I’m just so happy! I didn’t think anyone survived… Where’d you get that muffin?
Helen’s Bakery? But… Wait.
Did I fall asleep in Pastor Glanville’s side yard? He’s going to love that. But everything looks… Normal?
Of course it does? So, you didn’t see a big ex… Err… You know what, never mind. I must have just been having a bad dream. Yeah. Bad dream.
Nope nope, I’m fine Gary, thank you. I probably need to get to work. Enjoy your Lemon poppy seed muffin. It looks delicious.
Was this all a dream? Well, no ‘cause if it was, why do I still smell like Sarasota Florida? And why do I still have this luggage… Luggage that… Has seen much better days. I…
Yes Pastor Glanville. I’m leaving! I’m leaving! Keep your trash bag on! Well, you know what Pastor? I’m sorry that your begonias now smell like ham and cesium-131, but I’ve had a rough few days too, so why don’t you cut me just a little slack, go sit in a dark room and eat some pickles while I take a few minutes to get my bearings!?
Oh!? Go ahead and talk to my manager Pastor, It’s the Mayor, and he likes you about as much as everyone else does!
Anyways, I really need something to drink. I’m going to go ahead and stop broadcasting for a moment, but I’ll be back once I’ve had some coffee and… Well, maybe a muffin because Gary’s smelled amazing.
[Local community spotlight segment B/epilogue begins. “Light Bossa Nova Jazz Seaside Cafe Music” plays.]
Ooooh! Okay Listeners. I’m back and I’m feeling jazzy. I’ve got 2 quarts of espresso and two muffins in me and while I still feel a bit hung-over, I’m ready to do some broadcasting.
Just gonna step into the office and
[sound of door creaking open]
Paul! Muffin! Oh, it’s so great to see you! I don’t know what happened yesterday but I had the weirdest… Uh… Hey, what’s with the look?
Uh huh. Okay. No. I was late, so I hurried in as soon as I could. Huh? No that also explains my clothes. My lack of clothes. No, it’s not an axe body spray, that’s just the smell of nuclear extinction. I…
[Sniffs]
Huh it really does smell like Axe body spray.
Look, I get it. I’m not wearing any clothes, I’m delightfully smokey, and my luggage looks like I labeled it extremely fragile and shipped it FedEX so of course you both have questions, but I don’t have any answers. I’m just glad that you’re both…
Hey umm… Paul? Who’s the guy in the red that keeps smiling at me? His name is Marty and he’s our new manager? Well, what about the mayor? Uh-huh. Sedona Arizona, huh? So in the end, all you need to leave town is bags full of money? Good to know.
So, does Marty talk? Oh wait, he’s handing me an index card. It says “Hello Phil. Glad you could make it.” Okay… Hey hold on, there is another. It reads “We have decided to take the show in a slightly different direction.”
What do you mean a different direction? Oh, another card. “We’ll discuss it later. Why not take the day off and relax?” Well, I mean, I could use a day to unwind a little. Oh. Another card.
“Yes, you could.” And another card. Wait. This one is just the word “nods” in brackets.
But we’re standing right here, you don’t need to… You know what, never mind. So umm, do you recycle these note cards? Or write on the back? No? Just throw them away? Well, that seems wasteful.
So, Marty, if you don’t mind, could I ask why the note cards? Are you hearing impaired? I ask because I know American Sign Language. So that is an option if it helps.
Hmm. Another index card, and it says no. Okay.
Is it a fear of public speaking or maybe social anxiety? Because I understand that too. Just let me know really. I can work with anyone. Well, except for that [sarcastic] Craig over at the Quick Bite. That guy is a complete jerk.
Hmm. Another card that just says no. I mean, I mentioned the whole waste issue before, but now I kind of feel like now you’re just doing it on purpose. Couldn’t you have just held the previous… Nope. Another card that just says no. Well perhaps you could just speak with us then? Go ahead, just give us a hello or your name, and we can work from there. Yeah just a…
[sound of a trumpet that shakes the very foundations of reality]
So those cards really do make communication much clearer. Well, I’m going to go put on some pants and then maybe grab some lunch. Paul? Muffin? Marty?
His card says “I have previous engagements.” Fair enough. Well, anyone who is coming, let’s go.
So, any suggestions Paul? Muffin? We could do some Monte Cristos at the Bennigan’s? Oh, how about some Seitan? My treat. I… Hey Paul, was that Marty that just rode away on a Hoverboard? There was another tiny one just behind him but I couldn’t see who was on it. Oh great. And here’s Abracadaniel and the hot dog guy. I hope they’re not all going to have Seitan. But you know, I swear I’ve seen that Marty guy before.
Hmm. Well…
Well Listeners, we’re hungry, so this is Phil, Paul, and Muffin from the Evenfall Hollow Board of Tourism, wishing you a wonderful night from our home here in the Hollow. We’ll see you next time.
Yeah, yeah. I know Paul. Pants, Shirt, then Seitan. Hey, where did Muffin go?
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