original release: 2025.06.15
A new neighbor makes a friendly introduction, and we hear from Corin Almedas of the Evenfall Hollow Orphanage. Also, updates on the Magician.
Local Sponsor Support Provided by: OfficeMax
Show Notes:
Episode Script: Ruu McKinney
Voice Acting:
Phil Liota: Ruu McKinney
Music:
Introduction
“Good Morning” by Muzaproduction
Happenings in the Hollow:
“Dynamic Flow” by Lulu_Sound_music
Local Business Spotlight A:
“Get Down to the Groove” by Oleksii Holubiev
Local Sponsor Message:
“Corporate & Motivational” by Kyrylo Momot
Local Business Spotlight B:
“Light Bossa Nova Jazz Seaside Cafe Music” by Denis Pavlov
S01E06: Gary Episode Transcript
[Introduction Segment]
[“Good morning” opening jingle plays]
[sound of coffee slurping]
Good morning, everyone, and welcome to the latest episode of Evenfall Hollow Board of Tourism’s promotional show.
I’m here with my irreplaceable pa Paul, and our lovable office cat muffin, and I have to say, it’s a wonderful day in the hollow.
We’re here in our new, spacious office over in the large, featureless WeWork building in the old hollow district. The Muzak rendition of WAP is still playing out in the hall as it has been for weeks, so I’ve been singing it in the shower… humming it in line for my coffee… While I’m falling asleep… It’s just my life now.
I will admit that has it made for a few awkward moments, especially at the last town hall meeting. Again, apologies for the misunderstanding Ms. Levinson, now please stop sending me flowers.
In other office news, our new office also shares a wall with the Mothman’s office.
[long inhale]
Yeah, another Mothman, and he runs a spin class every weekday between 11:30 and 2:00.
Have you ever heard a Mothman leading a spin class? Trust me, if you had to think about it for even a moment, then you haven’t.
[Groan]
It’s horrible. The sounds… Oh, the sounds… It’s all etched in my mind… In my nightmares…
[ponderous tone and panicked breathing]
So yep, we’ve been taking extended lunches during that time. As work neighbors however, and as adults, I feel like we’re going to have to talk to him eventually.
The screams… Oh, they haunt me… They… Ahem. That’s enough about us. Let’s get to the news.
[Happenings in the Hollow Section]
[“Dynamic Flow” begins to play]
In local news, scattered reports about the magician continue, but witnesses report a bit of a lazy eye on his left side, a lot of having to start over when trying to grant wishes, and a definite downturn in the overall quality of said wishes.
Local resident and noted Pantophobe Howard Pearson is reported to have wished to be more of a daredevil, only to be rendered blind, and left looking vaguely like Ben Affleck in appearance.
[Off Mic]
No Paul, not the Daredevil era Ben Affleck… Yeah… The dropping his Dunkin all over his front steps and then sadly smoking a cigarette era. No, he wasn’t happy Paul. Not happy at all.
After extensive complaints, the magician reportedly gave a long, labored sigh and returned Howard’s soul, along with a 2 for 1 coupon to Arby’s for his trouble.
[Off Mic]
Nope Paul, still blind, and still Afflecked. Yeah, I’d leave a bad yelp review too if we had internet.
We wish Howard luck in finding his way to Arby’s. Maybe he can use the barking of the wild dogs to echo-locate? I’m not entirely sure how that all works.
In other news, word around the hollow is that Helen’s new bakery is really gaining ground.
I have personally stopped by several times, and have nothing but good things to say about it, and that’s not just because she saved my life, and certainly not because I’m utterly terrified of her.
Seriously. Her coffee cake is delicious, even when she doesn’t have a Pyrex pan in her free hand. She has really turned a corner.
[Off Mic]
What’s that Paul? No, she still makes the other muffins. Yeah, the wild dogs love them. Yep, more than people. Yeah, it makes a huge difference.
You know, I only passed one dog on my walk to work today, and he didn’t even bark. Just a lot of staring and laborious chewing.
Thanks Helen, you’re a local treasure.
There have also been several reports from residents of thunder in the distance over the past few days. It’s intermittent, and there don’t seem to be any storms on the horizon, because the weather is always the same here.
Always.
That said, the lack of storms seems to be getting closer, so keep an umbrella handy.
That about does it for the news.
Next up is our local business spotlight, where we will be talking to Corin Almedas from the Evenfall Hollow Orphanage.
[Local Business Spotlight]
[“Get down to the groove” begins to play]
Welcome back everyone. We’re here at Evenfall Hollow’s Orphanage, where businesses can find cheap, malleable child labor for pennies on the dollar.
Where do all the children come from? We don’t know.
How much will they cost your business? Next to nothing!
[Off Mic]
Is this episode sponsored by Tyson foods or something? I mean Paul, I know part of our job is encouraging new businesses, but… Well, you know that feeling you get when the Mothman is in the middle of a spin class next door?
Yeah, yeah, that, but without the eye bleeding.
Does the idea of shilling for child labor give you a similar feeling in your… Hmm? A letter just arrived? From Sarah Huckabee Sanders again?
Ugh. It’s like she has an aide specifically on her staff to alert her of overpriced furniture and talk of child labor.
Okay fine. Let’s see. Ahem.
“In order to tackle the sharp rise in illegal child labor, we will no longer verify ages of children before employing them. If child labor is legal, then illegal child labor violations will decrease, thus protecting children.”
Hmm. I’m not sure that’s how that works, but then again, I don’t have a $20,000 lectern to read it from, so maybe I’m just not getting the nuance. Thank you for the clarification, Governor Sanders.
[Off Mic]
What’s that Paul? She’s the governor of some place called… Arkan-sauce I think? Our Kansas? Yeah, I don’t know where that is either. No, that doesn’t seem to keep her from telling us her opinions or trying to change our way of life.
Small government, am I right?
So anyhow, we are here with Corin Almedas who is the local “mom” of the orphanage here and vehemently disagrees with the arkan-sauce governor on the child labor subject.
What’s that Corin?
Well, no, we can’t call her that on the air.
No, no I agree, she’s definitely a [long series of censor beeps] but if we pointed out that she [beeping] in the [beeping] while watching a [beeping], then, while we would be factually correct, feelings would be hurt, and I dunno, they’d ban us from being talked about in textbooks or libraries or something.
So, Corin, you take care of all the children here at the orphanage? That’s… Uh…
[music suddenly stops]
[whisper]
Hold on just a moment Corin.
Paul, don’t look, but it’s the Mothman… Yeah from next door. No, he’s right over there.
Just pretend we don’t see him and maybe he’ll… No… he’s waving…
So, listeners, we’re just going to cut to a word from our local sponsors while we nonchalantly look in every direction but his.
[Local Sponsor Segment]
[“Corporate & Motivational” begins playing]
Have you ever woken up in the middle of the night, only to have to pee in your bathtub because your toilet demanded you log in through your facebook account before use? Do you feel attacked by your connected fridge and its judgement of your food choices?
Ugh. Smart devices are the worst.
Raised by your grandparents, you’ve heard plenty of stories of the good old days: malt shops, drive-ins, unrepentant racism. But as a millennial, you also grew up with plentiful access to free porn and illegally downloaded Ja Rule songs from Napster.
Life was good. And then the world left you behind.
You pine for a simpler time. But not too simple. You’re not a boomer.
You just want printers that still use serial cables. You want laptops with keyboards that don’t glow in the dark, and that explicitly tell you NOT to touch the screen.
Pfft. Touchscreens. If you wanna click something, you’ll use the weird little eraser nib of a mouse that’s oddly located next to the J key.
What’s that? You also want a 5lb jar of cheese puffs and a 32 pack of only strawberry Nutri-grain bars, and you don’t want to go anywhere else because your lifted pickup only gets 4 mpg and you already burned a tank driving for uber?
We got you.
In fact, they’re right over there, inexplicably displayed between giant desktop calendars and black leather sectionals that would never fit in anyone’s office.
We even have a few loose paper towels rolls sitting randomly in a leather recliner because the employee that was restocking them was just fired for stealing ballpoint pens.
Now, if only there was a balding 45-year-old man who would sell you some low grade weed while bragging about his 16 year old girlfriend that he has to pick up from high school on his lunch break, the experience would be complete.
Oh hey wait, there he is. And he’s the manager.
Tech from twenty years ago, prices from today.
Office MAX. Yeah, we got that.
[Local Community Spotlight segment continues]
[“Light Bossa Nova Jazz Seaside Café Music” begins.]
Welcome back Listeners. So, we’re here with the Mothman from next door… ahem excuse me. We’re here with Gary Mothman.
[Off Mic]
No Paul, less emphasis on the -man part, more on the moth part. MOTHman.
So, Gary is our office neighbor over in the Wework building, and he wanted to come and introduce himself as well as address a few issues so that we can have a good relationship moving forward.
Uh huh. Mmhmm. Yeah.
So, Gary is very health conscious, vegan, and leads a spin class every week day. Well, it is very nice to meet you, Gary. Mmhmm. No, that makes sense. So, Gary says there is an elephant in the room that he wants to talk about, mainly, his brother Francis.
Definitely Gary, let me just refresh our listeners on the situation.
So, as you might remember, we had a few issues with a Mothman a few episodes back. Oh, excuse me, a MOTHman. There were some alleged cat abductions, and a MOTHman flew in through the window of the House of Seitan and abducted Susan Parket.
Shortly after that, our office cat brought us the body of said MOTHman, and after an excessive amount of cleaning and whole box of trashbags, we moved on.
That Mothman was in fact, Gary’s Brother Francis.
Again, Gary, we are all very sorry, especially Muffin.
Mmhmm… Okay. Well that makes sense. Uh huh. Oh, no, I’m sorry you had so much trouble. Yeah, that is understandable.
Okay so Listeners, on the day in question, Gary was taking a day off from Spin classes to tend to an injured glute. He was feeling a bit hungry and asked his brother Francis if he could pick up the take out order he had called in.
Huh. Now that I think about it, Rhonda was bleeding from the eyes… Anyhow, Francis agreed and left to go pick up his order.
Uh huh. Yeah. Oh no! Oh, that sounds like a difficult situation. No, I understand, it’s his life and you aren’t his father.
Okay. So, Gary’s brother has, well he had a bit of… Francis was a fan of methamphetamines. So, after he had finished taking apart Gary’s DVD Player, Francis set out for the House of Seiten. He was apparently out of his mind on Meth that afternoon, and in his daze, thought the broken window at the House of Seitan was a door.
So he flew in, saw Susan’s Black Garlic Seitan strewn cardigan, and I guess he assumed she was Gary’s order.
Uh huh. Oh. Yeah, that’s kind of what he does. Yeah.
So, after abducting Susan, Francis got lost on his way back and flew over Brandon’s Small engine repair. He was subsequently shot by Brandon which caused him to drop Susan into a field below, before veering sharply into a tree.
Mmhmm. No, I completely agree, and I offer my sincere apologies for both your loss, as well as my prejudice.
I did not honestly know there was more than one Mothman, and naturally ascribed Francis’ actions as standard behavior for all Mothmen.
No, no, definitely. He was very screechy, whereas you have a very deep, and might I even say dignified voice. It is very George Clooney. While I mean, when you’re not in the Spin zone.
So, Gary, as a personal question, I sometimes ride a bicycle around town, and I find that the snarling packs of wild dogs help to provide excellent motivation to maintain my pace. In a spin class, how do you keep everyone pushing through their limits?
[hellish Mothman roar]
ah.
No, no, I can see how that would do it.
[Off Mic]
Paul, could I trouble you for a Kleenex? Yeah, the eyes.
So Gary, that really explains a lot about what we’ve been hearing through the walls.
[Off mic]
He’s just keeping everyone motivated Paul.
Well Gary, I have to be honest. When we saw you walking up, we did try and pretend not to see you, and for that I apologize. This chat has actually been wonderful, and I’ve enjoyed every moment of it. You seem like a really great person, and both Paul and I are happy to have you as a neighbor. By the way Muffin is rubbing against your leg, I think Muffin is a fan as well.
Well listeners, this has been an unexpectedly pleasant day so far. We had a pleasant chat With Corin Almedas about what she does for the children in the…
[Off Mic]
What’s that Paul? Well yeah, we… Oh huh.
I guess we got a bit distracted and actually forgot to do that part didn’t we. Well, she does a great job, and all the kids love her, and I think we can all agree with her in that this governor Sanders of Arkan Sauce, wherever that is, is a real [censor beeps]. And isn’t that what conversations and interviews are all about?
To all of our listeners and to all the residents of Evenfall Hollow, this is Phil, Paul, and Muffin of the Evenfall Hollow Board of Tourism wishing you a good night.
Now who wants some Seitan? Gary?
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A Production of Windborne Press/Ruu Mckinney.